PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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