friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
