I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
