Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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