I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
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she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
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you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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