her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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