My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
