just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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