remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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