I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
