So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
