At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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