he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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