Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
