there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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