i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
