Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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