okay pat passed out under dana's car
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
