M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
