I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
