im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
