Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
