Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
