I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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