Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
