No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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