i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize