It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
