I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
