I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We are all done wearing pants today
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
