it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
