stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
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I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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