At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Barsexuality is the new black.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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