god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
