Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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