Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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