If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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