I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
