wat bout pragnant strippers??
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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