I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
