I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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