My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Randomize
