If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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