I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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