96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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