It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
