So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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