some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
