so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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