the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
