meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
