the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
