2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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