I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
