how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
