the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
