Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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