i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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