I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
