We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
