Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
