The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
