was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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