Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
