we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
