Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
