i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
so much tequila, so little girl.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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