oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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