remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
