Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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