My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
