when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
