Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
