You made me cry and you don't even care
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
