yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
