capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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