Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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