the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
